You Are Meant to Be the Best of Us
by sudoku
Summary: After returning the Infinity Stones and giving up his shield to Sam, Steve Rogers paid a certain wizard at Bleecker Street a visit. Major Endgame spoilers.
1. The Visit

-Unbetaed and not a native speaker so please kindly point out any mistakes.  
-Warning: Major Endgame spoilers.

* * *

Stephen was meditating when he felt someone standing at the Sanctum's front door. People often mistook him for being in tune with the surrounding so he could sense any presence. While it was true most of the time, he simply put a spell at his front door because there had been too many uninvited guests coming to this Sanctum lately.

He had been tempted to put a spell so people wouldn't notice the building but Wong said after Decimation, people needed all the help they could get, even mystic helps, to this door needed to be opened to whoever needed it. That was the job of the Master of the Sanctum, not to mention the future Sorcerer Supreme. That title seemed to be more and more daunting lately. He was not sure he was up for the task.

He used his third eye to check who was at the door. It was the last person he expected to ever visited him. He doubted Steve Rogers needed his help of any kind.

He quickly teleported himself to the front door. His Cloak who had been examining his tomes quickly attached herself on his shoulders. Nobody should let Captain America, well ex Captain America (he didn't see that coming but again he only looked up to the point they won, not where everybody would end up afterward), to wait in the cold. That'd be a crime or something like that. He shook his head. Old habit died hard. He blamed it on the PSAs in the public schools he attended.

He opened the door slowly to keep up with his mystical persona. He nodded. "Welcome the New York Sanctum, Cap." He nearly bit his tongue. To be fair, Rogers was still Captain America around three days ago his time. Time travel sucked when he was at the receiving end.

Rogers smiled. "Doctor Strange, I'm sure you're well aware that I'm not Captain America anymore. Sam Wilson is Captain America. And you can call me Steve."

"Steve, please come in. And you can call me Stephen." It'd be awkward if he used his title when Steve didn't. Not that Steve had any title at the moment.

Steve smiled. "That's a good name."

Stephen smirked. "Yes, it's a great name." He stepped back and let Steve came in. He noticed that Steve still had a straight back despite his age and his strides were still strong.

He led the way to one of the studies at the first floor. There was no weird objects to spook muggles (Peter Parker's term) in that room. He didn't think Steve was the person who spook easily but why took the risk. He doubted Steve could have a heart attack with his supersoldier serum.

He let Steve sat on one of the armchairs that was not stacked with books. Luckily Wong was not present, otherwise he would scream something about mistreatment of books and reported him to book's equivalent of Geneva Convention. He sat on the opposite chair. This scene felt like _déjà vu_. Not that he could mistake Steve for Thor at the moment with his head full of white hair.

"Do you drink tea? Or do you need beer or other beverage?"

"Tea is fine. No milk, no sugar. I don't want to test the limit of my dwindling serum at this age."

That was a new information for him. He used magic to put a cup on Steve's hand and to fill it up with Chamomile tea. He himself could use Chamomile so he summoned a cup for himself.

Steve looked suitably impressed with his wide eyes expression. He guessed his desire to show off had never worn off.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to magic even after everything I've seen since I woke up from the ice, eleven, no eleven plus fifty years ago so that'd be sixty four years ago. It's hard to keep track about time with time travelling."

"Tell me about it."

Steve took a long look at him."You'll be the expert in that, won't you? Tony told me about you looking through 14,000,605 futures so it must be at least thousand of years. I guess I shouldn't complain. How did it feel?"

"Exhausting and it's hard to keep all the facts straight after so many possibilities despite my photographic memory."

"You too?" Steve smiled. "I guess we don't only share the same first name. I also possess eidetic memory because of the serum."

Stephen should've known that. He read about it at school. But a lot of things slipped his mind because there were too many facts swirling in his head. He needed to sort them out otherwise he'd be a like walking encyclopedia and as useful as one in battles.

"Steve, not to be rude or anything but why do you come here? I don't think it's to find common ground between us. If it's a preamble to recruit me to join the Avengers, I need to politely decline. I've taken my vows as a Master of the Mystic Arts to protect our reality so I've no time to join the Avengers."

"That's a pity but I understand. I'm not an Avenger anymore so I think Sam will be the one recruiting. I presume he will come knocking on your door in a few days time once he got used to the idea of being Captain America. I just want to have a chat with you because I heard so much about you from Tony and I've also travelled to 2012 to return to the Time Stone to your teacher, the Ancient One, a very serene and prominent lady, and she also talked about you. She asked me to check on you when I get back to this time. I can't just break a promise to a lady." Steve seemed to smile to himself at the last sentence as it was a secret joke.

Stephen started to feel invisible cold sweats dripping from his back. He didn't expect Tony would have anything good to say about him given his cryptic behaviors on Titan. He barely got over his guilt over Tony's death and Steve's mentioning it bringing him back the memory he'd tried to get rid of.

As what The Ancient One said about him, his guess was as good as others. He drew a deep breath. Might as well rip off the bandaid as soon as possible. "OK, tell me all about it."

* * *

Notes:

-I know I've written the fics where they met but the difference is this one post Endgame so will mention canon events in MCU.  
-The fics before this story where Stephen was dealing with his guilt were There Was No Other Way and You Still Have a Place in My Heart.  
-Aelaer pointed out that Stephen didn't kill the aliens in Endgame, just sending them through portals.

i-sudoku dot tumblr dot com/post/184750033953/endgame-a-moment-of-appreciation-for-doctor

I'm glad that the good doctor still upholds his Hippocratic Oath.


	2. The Assurance

-Unbetaed, not a native speaker so please kindly point out any mistakes  
-Warning: Language(!)

* * *

He tried to hide his alarmed expression but nobody ever told him that Steve Rogers was very observant.

Steve smiled. "Don't worry, Doc. I heard good things about you, well, mostly good things since you know Tony liked to pretend he didn't like someone so he would say derogatory things but didn't really mean to. Perhaps I should start with the Ancient One first to calm your nerves."

Stephen didn't want to say that hearing what his mentor's opinion about him before she even met him would be better for his nerves but at least she wouldn't blame him like he imagined some of the Avengers might do because he indirectly let some of them sacrificed themselves to save the universe. That reminded him that the Ancient One also sacrificed herself to save_ him_ out of all people. Why were there so many self-sacrifices in this world? The Cloak sensed his distress so she squeezed his shoulders to show her support.

"When Bruce went to ask for the Time Stone, he thought he would meet you but he was five years too early. She said you were operating during the Chitauri Attack. When Bruce told me this, I think that was very brave of you to operate during an invasion. That reminded me of the fact you don't need superpower to be heroes."

Stephen remembered the day of the attack. The hospital was bursting with victims. The medical staff didn't even think about their own safety. They just tried to save as many as they could. They think the Avengers would save the city so they just needed to save the civilians. It was amazing what a few years and an accident could do. Now he was on the other side of saving. He shrugged. "I was sure the Avengers would do great in protecting us."

"That's a lot of faith you put in us. I just realized that you have seen all those possible futures so you might already know what people talk about. Don't you already know what others say about you when you look at those futures?"

He shook his head."It's tricky. When I looked, I got the gist of the direction of what people were going to do and I just needed to fast forward a little bit or a lot more to see whether the directions would lead us win. It was like watching a movie and press the fast forward button. When I knew for sure we were going to lose, I moved to a different scenario. I didn't linger on conversations. So yeah, I didn't know what people talked about."

The ex Captain America sipped on his tea slowly and put back the saucer at the table next to him. "You just described using the Time Stone like it were a DVD player. I mean the world has gotten weirder since I woke up from being frozen but even this is super weird for the Avengers' standard."

Stephen smirked. "Yeah, some might say it got stranger."

Steve chuckled at that. "You're as snarky as him. No wonder Tony liked you." Stephen's heart twisted at the word _liked_. Even Steve's expression grew a bit more serious as the meaning of the tense sunk in. "Back to your teacher, she said you were meant to be the best of us. So if you think giving away the Time Stone was the right move, she would do the same as she trusted you. That was a very high compliment bestowed on someone. Bruce was surprised, not that he ever thought badly of you as you lend him clothes after he crashed through your house, but he was impressed that she seemed to be impressed by you when she was a very impressive person herself. Stephen, are you OK? You look a bit pale."

It was very hard to shut Stephen up. He almost always had a comeback ready. However, he was at a loss for words at the moment. She thought very highly of him even before she met him. So pushing his astral body and rejections at Kamar-Taj were tests to see whether he was worthy. What if he didn't measure up to her standard? Would she be disappointed? Was he even worthy now? The Cloak squeezed his shoulders again which reminded him that the Cloak chose him so at least she thought he was worthy.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you like that. I thought that was not a new information for you as she seemed to be so fond of you."

_"I never saw your future, only its possibilities. You have such a capacity for goodness. You've always excelled, but not because you crave success but because of your fear of failure."_  
_"It's what made me a great doctor."_  
_"It's precisely what's kept you from greatness. Arrogance and fear still keep you from learning the simplest and most significant lesson of all."_  
_"Which is?"_  
_"It's not about you."_

Stephen needed to remind himself that it was not about him. That phrase rebooted his brain. "She often gave me hard time so it was hard to think that. She told me she couldn't see my future, only possibilities. How could she be sure that I'll measure up to her standard?"

"Unlike you and your master, I'm not an expert in looking through possible futures. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that in the all those possibilities she saw, you were doing great. You just needed a push in the right direction. Once a very wise man asked me to promise him that I'll stay who I a perfect soldier, but a good man. I think she meant that you're a good person, not about your powers, although personally I think you are super powerful. Thanks for assembling all the heroes to fight against Thanos' army. I thought I'd be a goner as Thanos had destroyed my shield. But I never like bullies so I would fight him all day even with my chance of winning was almost nil."

_"End this! You will never win."_  
_"No. But I can lose. Again. And again. And again. And again, forever. That makes you my prisoner."_

Perhaps there were indeed more similarities between him and Steve than meet the eyes.

Steve continued, "Luckily we didn't come to that. Bruce told me that I should thank you for all those portals at the last minute."

Stephen felt his face was heating up as he just got complimented by (ex) Captain America for saving his life. He shrugged. "It's all in a days' work. Sorry I couldn't come in earlier as I needed to organize all the help I could get and before that I was non existent so thanks for traveling back in time to get the Stones to bring us back."

"Well, I guess I need to thank you for looking at the futures to ensure we win. Without you looking through those futures, we'll all be dust. We need to thank Scott, Bruce, Natasha, and Tony as well. Well everyone has played a part to ensure we win. But you're the mastermind behind it. I can see it now. Your mentor believed in you before she even met you. She believed in your judgement as she handed the Stone to Bruce. When I returned the Stone just after Bruce took it, she asked me how you were doing. She knew we won because I could go back to return the Stone. She said even though she hadn't met you yet, you lived up to her expectation and more. She was looking forward to meet you. I also just realized now that she knew you were going to have your accident. I'm sorry. That might be tough for you to know she knew but I guess destiny and not altering timeline plus ensuring you saving the universe stopped her from interfering your own future."

Stephen swallowed a lump in his throat. "Yes, I've come to term to that. It was a regretful event but I'm a better person afterward so I guess it's better to lose my hands than my soul."

"That's what makes you a great person. Bruce told me what she said to him and after seeing the Ancient One's compliment, I've go to check this person out for myself. Color myself curious. I want to know what it takes to be the next Sorcerer Supreme. Besides, she asked me to make sure you take care of yourself as well, not only the universe. She said you could take one thing to the extreme. I imply she meant selflessness."

"She could also mean selfishness. I was a real asshole back then."

"Language. Sorry, never mind. It was just a force of habit. But from what the way she talked about you and from what Bruce, Tony, and even Thor, not sure when you met Thor, you're not selfish. Arrogant perhaps but never selfish. Selfish person wouldn't let himself die to let the universe live. I don't only mean Thanos' Decimation but also something else before Thanos. Apparently Tony was super curious about you after his return from Titan so he kept pestering Wong. Wong said something about Tony needed to trust you inherently as you had saved the world before by dying repeatedly and you didn't even boast about it. Wong needed to pry that fact out of you after your countless nightmares and Tony actually pried that fact out of Wong and he threw it at my face saying that I'm not the only selfless person in the Avengers or the world." Steve cast his eyes downward. "I regretted I ever said to Tony that he was not _the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you._ I didn't know back then that he was a stubborn son of a gun and he would prove me wrong by sacrificing himself repeatedly until the final time when he would never return. I used to see things in black and white but after looking at Tony and the SHIELD incident, not anymore. You could be a real ass- jerk back then but you're not now. Everyone has a past. I'm also well aware of Natasha's past but she has made amends ever since. Who we choose to be now is more important than what we used to be. That's my motto to live by and are you going to argue with Captain America?"

"Ex Captain America." Steve merely shrugged. Despite his automatic reply, the doctor saw the point that Steve was trying to make. "Thank you for following your promise and go to check on me. Thank you for letting me know what she thought of me. That meant the world to me." He drew a deep breath. He didn't realize that he really cared for the Ancient One's opinion. He didn't care for others' opinion back then but perhaps he had changed a lot without realizing it.

"Before moving on to what Tony said, can I ask you a very important question?"

Stephen was surprised by the request. Would Steve ask him to promise something? "Sure."

"How did you manage to open Sam's portal on my left?"

Stephen quietly chuckled. There was a cheeky side of Steve Rogers that he never knew.

* * *

**Notes:**

-Sorry for the delay, have been busy, sick, and travelling. I tried to update this chapter two days ago and I literally threw up as I opened the previous chapter to read. I hope that's not the universe's way of telling me not to write this story.  
-Both Steve and Stephen are selfless and "can do it all day" attitude made them my favorites. Plus, Steve's "always do the right thing no matter what" and Stephen's "not going to take a life" really made them stand out for me. I know everyone has different reasons for their favorites.

-I wish there were a show showing Steve returning all the Infinity Stones. It'll be interesting to see Red Skull and Jane's reaction.  
-Next will be the talk about the Avengers and Tony.


	3. The Pep Talk

-Unbetaed and not a native speaker so please kindly point out any mistakes  
-Warning: Mention of tortures but nothing graphic, language

* * *

He shrugged. "Well, it was quite easy actually to open a portal into a certain coordinate."

"So you can actually open a portal to a certain longitude and latitude." Steve seemed to be in awe.

"Of course." Stephen didn't tell Steve that it was not that simple as it was neither here nor there. "It's harder to ask them to make haste. Your best friend Bucky requested sometime to tie up his hair. Apparently, appearance is important after getting back from being not existent."

"That is Bucky for you."

"Princess Shuri ran back into her palace to change into Nike." Stephen still felt the phantom impatience as he remembered those vain people. He considered himself vain but that battle was their one chance of winning out of 14 million so he didn't care much about his appearance at that time. He just wanted to arrive there as soon as possible but of course it would not be that impressive if he only opened one portal. He needed to show Thanos he messed up with the wrong Master of Mystic Arts.

"You're more patient than I thought."

"You seem to have a lot of preconceived ideas about me."

"Really sorry about that." Steve gave a lopsided smile. "I didn't know any sorcerer before you. I thought you have a lot of important duties so you don't care for trivial matters like pre battle appearance."

"You're half right. But let's not talk about this." He inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry about Vision, Ms Romanoff, and Tony."

"Vision?"

"If I didn't hand Thanos the Time Stone, he wouldn't be able to resurrect Vision to get his hand on the Mind Stone."

"But handing in the Time Stone is the only way to win when you look into those alternate futures."

"Yes."

"So, if you didn't give away the Time Stone, Thanos would eventually get it anyway but with more bloodsheds."

"Yes." Stephen started to feel the temperature in the room dropped as he remembered those futures. Sophie went to wrap herself tighter around him.

"You look pale. I'm sorry that this scenario came up. Those alternate futures must be horrible."

Stephen remembered in some scenarios Thanos kept him alive but killed all of the remaining heroes in Titan. He remembered how he endlessly screamed as Thanos found new ways to torture him. Squidward's technique was nothing compared to his master. He eventually gave up and Thanos got the Time Stone. In some cases, Thanos left him paralyzed and barely alive if he felt magnanimous. In some other cases, Thanos just killed him straightaway. He welcomed those deaths.

In some worst alternatives, Thanos also kept some of the heroes on Titan alive as leverage. If he didn't get anything out of torturing Stephen, he would torture another person right in front of him. In those futures, he would give up the Stone faster than if he were the ones being tortured. He could still hear Peter Parker's or Mantis' screams in his nightmares.

Steve squatted in front of him and looked him in the eyes. "Doctor, I think you need to drink some tea and let's don't dwell into those futures." He touched Stephen's arms. As he didn't flinch away, Steve assumed that his touch was welcome. He squeezed the doctor's arms softly. "Nobody blamed you on any of those deaths. I'm sure you tried your best to find a solution with the least number of lives lost. I certainly don't envy your task. It must be hard to see or experience all those tortures, destruction, and deaths but you still need to keep going anyway. You deserve an equivalent of a medal in army. I don't know what's the equivalent of that in Mystic Arts."

Stephen looked into ex Captain America's blue eyes and saw no judgement and no pity. Somehow that helped him to chase away those memories, at least for now. "I think you can return to you seat now. I'm OK."

Steve nodded and returned to his seat.

"I still think I'm indirectly responsible about Thanos getting the Mind Stone as he used the Time Stone right away after he got it. Poor Ms Maximoff had to watch her lover die twice."

"She is much stronger than you think. I do feel sorry for her as she lost everyone who was close to her. First, her parents. Then her brother. Now her lover."

Stephen knew all too well the feeling of loss. Perhaps he also had a lot in common with Ms Maximoff. "If she is interested, I can teach her how to control her power. I heard she is very powerful but she doesn't have much training using her powers."

Steve's smile could eclipse the sun. "I think that'll be a great idea. Both of you could use some friends. I'll ask if she is interested."

Stephen didn't realize that Rogers thought he was lonely. Even someone like Rogers could detect it. No wonder Wong told him that he needed to go out more. No, fighting demons in other dimensions didn't count as outings. "We could give it a try. If either of us doesn't feel comfortable, we can quit."

"I think that's an excellent arrangement."

"I hope so. I'm also sorry about Ms Romanoff. I know she is your best friend."

Steve bit his lip. "She is. We got each other. She was like my platonic soulmate. I don't blame you though. She made her choices. She wanted to bring all her family and friends back, whatever it took. I didn't realize it would literally mean her soul. Should have realized it because the name Soul Stone."

'If there is any consolation, you returning the Soul Stone has released her soul from the Stone so she is free."

"Thanks for telling me that. She would like to be free. Her whole life has been programmed to follow rules and protocols. To be used as a soldier. At least she is free now. It's sad that she is only free after death but I really can't console myself any other way."

Stephen remembered what the Ancient One said. "A very wise person told me that _Death_ is what _gives life meaning_. To know your days are numbered. Your time is short."

"Are you quoting the Ancient One?"

"Yes, I was."

"She indeed is wise. I wish I could know her better."

"So do I."

"I thought you knew her for quite a while."

"No, not too long. Not enough. She died protecting me."

"A lot of dying going around. Too much. I don't mean people protecting you specifically but people sacrifice their lives so others could live. We could only live and be better so their sacrifices won't be in vain. Tony was actually the one making me realize that we could live our lives too, not everything is about service and work. I think this applies to both of us. That was the reason I went back and stayed in the past. To lead my own life. You should to."

"I'm not going to travel to the past to live my life. The medicine in the past was atrocious. I'd like to stay with modern medicine." He purposefully misunderstood what Steve meant. Unlike Rogers, he had been selfish his whole life, he only discovered his purpose in life recently. There was no way he could pay back being a dick by living his life happily.

"I think you know what I meant. You could do your duties and be happy too. They are not mutually exclusive. Tony would have wanted you to be happy."

"How could you know what he wanted? I think he only meant you to live your life, not me. I'm just someone who got in the way of his happiness five years ago. An acquaintance at best."

"Thanos was the one wanting to wipe out the universe, not you. I think Tony wants everyone to be happy. He might be rude or arrogant but he meant well. I got him now but a bit too late. I don't think you're merely an acquaintance. I mentioned earlier that he spoke about you the first time he returned from the Titan. He actually never shut up about you. He told us in details about what happened in Titan so we could understand your motivation. He spoke of you fondly. He said none of us could match your snarkasm and wit. He dug out your files and I think he actually sympathized and related to you more knowing you lost everything after your accident. "

Stephen thought he knew the Avengers much better than they knew him after reviewing the 14 million futures. Stephen forgot that his career as a neurosurgeon and his accident was public. The Avengers were not as clueless as he thought.

Steve continued, "He purposefully said you lived in Toronto when he brainstormed the ideas about Time Heist with Natasha and Bruce. He remembered you lived in Bleecker Street so he said the wrong thing to show he didn't care much about you. That was actually the way he hid his feelings as he didn't want people to think he was nice and had a soft spot for someone. That meant he cared a lot about you."

Stephen was touched by how deep Tony cared and how sincere Steve trying to explain this to him. They wanted him to be happy. "And I repay him by dooming him to his death."

"I think you know as well as I do that everybody would've died if Tony didn't snap his fingers. You didn't doom him. Everybody including Vision, Natasha, and Tony chose their own fates. You felt guilty about him more because of the same reason you felt about Vision. He died right after you handed in the Time Stone and Tony died right after you showed him that was the only way. But you were not the direct causes of their deaths. As I said before, it's no use wallowing in guilt. You can honor their sacrifices and be the best version of yourself. But you need to enjoy life as well. The Ancient One asked me to find you and tell you this. Torturing yourself with guilt won't resurrect the deaths but might hamper your duties and make you and people around you miserable. Honor their deaths by living well. I agree with her. Are you going to argue with her, ex-Captain America, and Tony?"

Stephen closed his eyes for a few seconds. The Cloak gripped his shoulders tighter for moral support. Steve had excellent points. Intellectually, he agreed with everything he said. But emotionally and morally, he still felt guilty. "I guess I'm going to try to live well but this guilt is hard to get rid of."

"I know. The surviving Avengers have been feeling guilty because we thought we didn't do enough to stop Thanos. You could see the most obvious results in Thor and Clint Barton. Don't make the same mistakes like we did. Feeling guilty shows that your humanity but wallowing in it doesn't help anyone. Just try to live well at the present moment. Don't keep thinking about the past or worry about the future."

"That's a standard saying to be happy." Stephen often read this in motivation pamphlets Christine was so fond of giving to him during his post-accident days. In fact, that was the motto of his meditation practices as taught in Kamar-Taj.

"It's standard and simple but doesn't mean it's not true. It's simple but hard to implement. I think you're smart and wise enough to understand it. If you need help, you know who to call. Sam Wilson." Stephen chuckled at that. He thought Steve would say call him. "I mean you can call me but I'm not as young as I used to be anymore. Sam would be more useful. But if you need someone to talk to, you can call me. I'm not as busy as I used to be anymore. Besides, walking to your Sanctum is a good exercise. Tony seemed to imply that wizards don't make enough money." Stephen's face pinkened. "I don't want to leech off you. Do you want me to buy lunch? All these talks make me hungry. I guess the metabolism effect of the super soldier serum is still strong."

"We might not be rich but at least we could still afford food. At least I do. I can order lunch or even better, open a portal to somewhere you like. Not an expensive place of course. It's only natural if I buy you lunch after you make your time to visit me and give me the pep talks. Thank you."

"Anytime. It's pleasure to finally meet the legend."

"Legend? No, I'm not a legend. You're the legend."

* * *

Notes:

-There is a BTS and deleted scene where Tony went to talk to Stephen and said "Welcome back anyway, asshole." He said it fondly so it seemed he considered Stephen as a friend. Too bad that part was deleted.  
metro dot co dot uk/2019/06/19/avengers-endgame-crew-member-shares-deleted-interaction-tony-stark-doctor-strange-10012832/  
-As for Shuri wearing Nike and Bucky tying his hair, it was shown in the deleted scene where some of the heroes knelt to honor Tony's sacrifice. Compared that to their final scenes in Infinity War.  
-The Russo brothers confirmed that Stephen experienced all those alternate lives as he looked into those futures. So it was not like watching a movie but he experienced it. Poor guy.  
youtube dot com/watch?v=-7wgC0-xOZE

-There is a HISHE version of how Steve returned the stones so I don't need to write one :)  
youtube dot com/watch?v=4vjs_0CoRs4

-This story didn't end the way I meant to. I hope this version is OK.


End file.
